I won't even lie.I was miserable for a few days about this particular subject. I wasn't prepared for this particular culture shock.I was Furious,first I was pissed at my HBCU for NOT preparing me for this. They've been keeping me locked away in this bubble that doesn't realistically exist. Then,I was mad at myself for 1)Not being realistic about study abroad "diversity" 2)For allowing myself to feel insecure about my identity.
You see it wasn't the people of Buenos Aires that made me so self aware to the point where I was uncomfortable,it was the people in my program.
For once in a LONG time, I was a minority. My HBCU allows me to be a majority, which I do appreciate for many reasons. Being there allows me to forget that I am a minority because in my environment, I'm not.Now, being in this environment, I am beyond self aware and know I stand out like a sore thumb.It made me extremely uncomfortable and I hated myself for allowing myself to feel like that.No matter how hard I tried to "fit in". It was nearly impossible..All the black kids weren't sitting together,they didn't even acknowledge one anthers presence, which PISSED ME OFF. That was the absolute last straw for me. I knew I was in a WHOLE 'nother world that I wasn't prepared for. I cried about it ALOT,no lie.
I am COMPLETELY out of my comfort level here and it's OVERWHELMING. I tried to explain to some people about how I feel, but you cant understand if you haven't been in this predicament before. So what do I do? How do I deal with these feelings? "Crawl over a bridge and get over it?" ,"Dance away my worries?" "Suck that shit up?", "Grow Another Uterus and Deal With it?". I've tried all these things(.except growing another uterus because that is IMPOSSIBLE lol) but none of them seemed like long term solutions.
I've realized that I need to REMEMBER why I am here. Why worry about "fitting in" when I was born to stand out?A Star isn't meant to blend in with the darkness!! If I spend all my time thinking about ways to "fit in" I'll go crazy and wont enjoy my study abroad experience. I also need to try a little harder to stay open minded.I have managed to generalize a lot of people in my program, which isn't fair. I could be missing out on a lot of great friendships. Lastly,I need to stop being so shy and show people how amazing I am!!!
Being completely out of my comfort zone is HARD. I believe that with time, things will get easier and everything will fall into place. Please send your love and encouragement through FB wall posts,FB messages and comments.They are MUCH needed and greatly appreciated.
With Love.
Brianna
You see it wasn't the people of Buenos Aires that made me so self aware to the point where I was uncomfortable,it was the people in my program.
For once in a LONG time, I was a minority. My HBCU allows me to be a majority, which I do appreciate for many reasons. Being there allows me to forget that I am a minority because in my environment, I'm not.Now, being in this environment, I am beyond self aware and know I stand out like a sore thumb.It made me extremely uncomfortable and I hated myself for allowing myself to feel like that.No matter how hard I tried to "fit in". It was nearly impossible..All the black kids weren't sitting together,they didn't even acknowledge one anthers presence, which PISSED ME OFF. That was the absolute last straw for me. I knew I was in a WHOLE 'nother world that I wasn't prepared for. I cried about it ALOT,no lie.
I am COMPLETELY out of my comfort level here and it's OVERWHELMING. I tried to explain to some people about how I feel, but you cant understand if you haven't been in this predicament before. So what do I do? How do I deal with these feelings? "Crawl over a bridge and get over it?" ,"Dance away my worries?" "Suck that shit up?", "Grow Another Uterus and Deal With it?". I've tried all these things(.except growing another uterus because that is IMPOSSIBLE lol) but none of them seemed like long term solutions.
I've realized that I need to REMEMBER why I am here. Why worry about "fitting in" when I was born to stand out?A Star isn't meant to blend in with the darkness!! If I spend all my time thinking about ways to "fit in" I'll go crazy and wont enjoy my study abroad experience. I also need to try a little harder to stay open minded.I have managed to generalize a lot of people in my program, which isn't fair. I could be missing out on a lot of great friendships. Lastly,I need to stop being so shy and show people how amazing I am!!!
Being completely out of my comfort zone is HARD. I believe that with time, things will get easier and everything will fall into place. Please send your love and encouragement through FB wall posts,FB messages and comments.They are MUCH needed and greatly appreciated.
With Love.
Brianna